Love and Lust

A couple of Sundays ago, a bunch of the teens sat with us to watch the NFL Super Bowl. The last quarter featured some of the most exciting football ever. I’m relieved that we turned it off during half time to play video games. We missed Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake, and the half-time show. Do you think that MTV, and the howling reaction to Jackson and Timberlake expose something broken in our sex-saturated culture? The whole episode reminded me of something that pastor Tim Keller wrote that I couldn’t improve on. So I pass it on to you.

No matter how hard we run after sex, we never seem to be able to catch it. It never delivers what it promises. On the other hand, no matter how fast we try to run away from sex, we never seem to be able to avoid it. How do we account for this brokenness? Jesus give us an answer for why we are so broken about sex. Jesus tells us that what accounts for it is not that the world has too high view of sex. The problem, says Jesus, is that we have too low a view of sex. Jesus says that our problem is that we don’t recognize the power of sex. He says that sex can land us in hell. He actually uses the word Gehenna. That’s a word that described the perpetually burning garbage dump outside his city of Jerusalem. It was the dismal place where things that were rotting and decaying burned. So Jesus tells us in Matthew 5 that sex is so mysterious, it is so awesome, it is so unique and untamable, that unless we learn to deal with it, it will spread all sorts of decay and fiery destruction in our lives. Jesus is saying that this is heavy-duty, serious stuff. The world tries to tell us that sex is just another appetite, it’s no big deal. But that’s just not true.

How about another appetite, our appetite for sugar? Anybody here know any diabetics? What do physicians say to us who are diabetics? Don’t they say something like, "Sugar is wonderful. But if you don’t control your intake of sugar, it will kill you"? So what do diabetics do about that? Do they rise up and say, "Hey! I have a right to sugar! If I die, it doesn’t matter, I’ve got to have sugar!" They don’t do that, because no appetite is worth dying for. They just say, "OK, I’ll be very careful about sugar."

Is that how our movies treat sex? Sex is far more important. Sex is far more powerful. There are people who feel like they have to have it. It gives them meaning, and a whole lot of other things. It’s much more than an appetite. But if we treat it like an appetite, we’re going to be ambushed by it. It’s not just an appetite. It’s not just another part of life. We are not in control, and it’s taking our culture apart. Jesus said that unless we get control of it, unless we learn how to deal with it, sex will spread decay into all parts of our lives.

What did Jesus mean when he said not to look lustfully? He is not saying that sexual desire, or rejoicing in sexual desire is wrong. He didn’t say that. In fact, the Bible’s attitude toward sex is one of such barefaced, direct joy in the glory of sexual pleasure that it would even make Madonna blush. We’ve seen it these Sundays in Genesis, where God looked at what he had made, and said, "this is very good!" And Adam, when he saw Eve, broke out into the first poetry found in the Bible, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh!" And the Song of Solomon is one extended, explicit love song between a married woman and man.

So, on the one hand, the Bible teaches that if we follow our passions wherever they lead, we disrespect the power and beauty of sex. We have too low a view. But, on the other hand, if we’re prudish, and say that sex is defiling and dirty, we disrespect the goodness of sex, and contradict God himself. But the Bible makes a distinction. There is a difference between lust on the one hand, and sexual desire on the other. Lust and sexual desire are not the same thing. God invented sexual desire. He does not say, "Squelch your passions." Nor does he say, "Follow your passions." God’s better way is to channel our passions.

So if lust is not sexual desire, then what is it? Jesus tells us two important truths about lust. First, lust is impersonal desire. Second, lust is inordinate desire. Impersonal, and inordinate.
Jesus says, "You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully . . ." Think about what Jesus is saying. If you say, "I would like to have sex with you, but I don’t want to marry you," what you’re saying is, "I want to be independent. I want to keep my options open." In other words, "I want to keep control of my life. I don’t want to give myself to you personally. I want to give myself to you only physically. I want you to give yourself to me physically, but I don’t want to entrust my whole self to you." This splits your body and soul, and it will destroy you, says Jesus.

God invented sex as a way for one person to say to another person, "I belong completely and exclusively to you." And out of that pleasurable union, there is the potential for new life in the form of children. But if you use it in any other way, it destroys its power to cement and renew your commitment to each other.

So lust is impersonal. C. S. Lewis said that unless you’re willing to make a complete personal commitment to somebody from whom you’re asking a complete bodily commitment, then you really don’t want that person. You want an experience. That person is a disposable commodity, and you’re dehumanizing that person. Lust is impersonal desire.

Lust is also inordinate desire. The word that Jesus uses here for lust is a word that is almost never used in the New Testament in connection with sex. It’s the word epithumia and it means an inordinate desire, a consuming desire. It means to take something good, and to try to get from it what you can only get from God. It is idolatry.

Can you see how seductive that is? I can in my heart say, If somebody would love me, if I have a perfect Christian family, if I can get the perfect spouse, the perfect marriage, and the perfect children, then finally I’ll know that I’m somebody, and then finally, I’ll be happy." That’s an illusion and a deceit. It’s deadly. There are no perfect Christian families. There are no perfect spouses or perfect marriages or perfect children. If we look for a perfect person, we’ll want that person to find us perfectly attractive and to love us completely. But there isn’t anybody on this earth who is like that, except the God who is the only real lover of all of who you are. I can’t get out of romantic love that which only God can give. If you think that sex will heal what’s wrong with you, if you think that with sex, Finally, I’ll be a somebody. Finally I’ll have security, Jesus says, "There’s only one person beautiful enough. There’s only one who can love you unconditionally. There’s only one who can satisfy what your heart needs and longs for If you try to get that from anyone else than in a personal relationship with a loving God, then your life is going to be twisted by lust.

So how can we be healed of the wounds of lust? What’s Dr. Jesus’ prescription? Did you shudder when he said, "Pluck out your eye, and cut off your hand?" Look at it this way. The eye is how I view things. I can’t just say, I wont! I won’t! I won’t! Lust is stronger than my will. I’ve got to change the way I view things.

When Potiphar’s wife purrs to Joseph, "Come to bed with me," what does Joseph say? He says, "think of how well your husband has treated me! Think of all that God has done for me! I can’t do this wicked thing to your husband and to God!" You see, Joseph saw lust in its true colours. If I want to get over lust, I’m going to have to see lust for what it is. I have to know, this lust thing is really worship. I’m seeking God. I’m seeking acceptance. I’m seeking beauty. But this will never give it to me. Lust makes me like a person who is thirsty, and I’m eating salted pretzels to deal with it."

God looks at you, and finds you beautiful. God, in Jesus, lived the life I should have lived. He died the death I should have died. That God gives me a righteousness, a cleanness that I receive from him as a gift. The moment I become a Christian, I’m beautiful in God’s eyes. He finds me absolutely radiant and beautiful.

To the degree that you believe that, you’ll understand and deal with sex. To the degree that you believe that, lust won’t run your life.

Only Jesus has really become vulnerable for you. Only Jesus is completely committed to you and loves you perfectly. Only Jesus is infinitely beautiful. Only Jesus is altogether lovely. Only the way in which Christ looks at you is gong to satisfy your life. God in Christ is the only one who can say to you and me, "Longer than there have been stars up in the heavens, I’ve been in love with you."

If you and I get that straight, then we can be healed in a practical way. We’ll know the difference between love and lust. And for the second time in history, we will have discovered fire.